Before I even opened the e-mail, I knew it wasn't good news. It wasn't pessimism exactly. It was something more akin to a crisis of faith...in myself. As you may recall, I'm not the type to let these kinds of things get to me. But considering the state of the rest of my life at the time, the fifth and final rejection of as many queries hit me particularly hard (especially considering that two of them had come within 24 hours of sending them).
Now, I'm proud to say that true to form, after allowing myself a beer and 15 minutes of pity partying, I embraced the bad and determined to focus on those thing in my control instead of out of it. Thus was a major breakthrough in the plot of ANJIDIA: THE FALL arrived at. In turning my lemons into lemonade, I've discovered a character I didn't know existed and realized that she ties so perfectly into the story of ANJIDIA that I'm almost ashamed I hadn't noticed her sooner.
In summary, I'm ready to begin writing this novel in earnest.
Then, just as I was embracing the good, along came the unexpected in the form of a thoughtful gesture from blogger e. I suddenly had a new opportunity to go with my new attitude. You don't need to guess whether or not I embraced it (and a couple more while I was at it). And even if it doesn't pan out, which it very well may not, I've come out of this particularly dark and dismal tunnel no worse for the wear.
What more could I ask for?
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
25 January 2009
13 August 2008
Rejection is...
...not the four-letter word that people make it out to be. I promise.
Granted, I am one of those glass half full, silver lining, true love does exist, everything happens for a reason types. Still, I don't feel that disqualifies me from making such a bold statement.
You see, unfortunately for me, I have dealt with my fair share of rejection (in all its various disguises) during the course of my almost twenty-three years of life, and as of late, I have had that rejection amplified due to the fact that I am putting myself out on two limbs at once. Not only am I scouring a job market that I don't believe anyone would refer to as encouraging, but I also am attempting to procure an agent for my first book.
On the one hand, I am being told (without the use of words or a response of any kind, in fact) that I am not right for this or that job. On the other, I am being told that my book (my baby, the fruit of a grueling month of hard work and reclusiveness - not to mention the never-ending editorial process) is not right for this or that agent.
The way I see it, I could view the rejections as some sort of value judgment - you're not good enough, your work isn't good enough, your skills aren't good enough, et cetera. BUT, I choose to take the rejections at face value. What the prospective employers and agents actually are telling me is that they don't want me/my novel. Before you start wondering how that is different from despairing interpretation I just denounced, let me explain.
They don't want me. Sit with that for a second.
I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want someone who doesn't want me, for whatever reason. I wouldn't want to stay in a romantic relationship with a man who didn't want me. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who didn't want my friendship. And, I'm not going to beat myself up because a Company X or Ms. Agent doesn't want me as an employee or a client.
Of course, the why does matter, but it's secondary. I approach the why almost clinically with an emphasis on "what can I do better" not "what did I do wrong." As my friends in the PR industry would tell you, it's all about the spin. I find that there is no better person to spin for than yourself.
Another trick I use to deal with rejection is to focus on the moments (however rare) that have gone right (been exceptional) rather than on all the bad ones. For instance, I remind myself that with my most recent jobs, the interviews have been more of a formality than anything because my employers were that impressed with my resume (and I felt very appreciated by those employers the majority of my time with them). In terms of getting my book published, I keep in mind the fact that I have only queried a grand total of FOUR agents out of a pool of approximately 400-450. And, my first query letter ever resulted in a request for a partial.
Those small things can seem like nothing if I'm feeling particularly self-indulgent and down-trodden, but most of the time I see them for what they are - impressive accomplishments. I'm sure that if you use your energy to sort through your life with a filter of positivity (even you pessimists) you'll find that you have a few gems of your own that you can polish and wear proudly as you face rejection and look gorgeous while doing it.
Granted, I am one of those glass half full, silver lining, true love does exist, everything happens for a reason types. Still, I don't feel that disqualifies me from making such a bold statement.
You see, unfortunately for me, I have dealt with my fair share of rejection (in all its various disguises) during the course of my almost twenty-three years of life, and as of late, I have had that rejection amplified due to the fact that I am putting myself out on two limbs at once. Not only am I scouring a job market that I don't believe anyone would refer to as encouraging, but I also am attempting to procure an agent for my first book.
On the one hand, I am being told (without the use of words or a response of any kind, in fact) that I am not right for this or that job. On the other, I am being told that my book (my baby, the fruit of a grueling month of hard work and reclusiveness - not to mention the never-ending editorial process) is not right for this or that agent.
The way I see it, I could view the rejections as some sort of value judgment - you're not good enough, your work isn't good enough, your skills aren't good enough, et cetera. BUT, I choose to take the rejections at face value. What the prospective employers and agents actually are telling me is that they don't want me/my novel. Before you start wondering how that is different from despairing interpretation I just denounced, let me explain.
They don't want me. Sit with that for a second.
I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want someone who doesn't want me, for whatever reason. I wouldn't want to stay in a romantic relationship with a man who didn't want me. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who didn't want my friendship. And, I'm not going to beat myself up because a Company X or Ms. Agent doesn't want me as an employee or a client.
Of course, the why does matter, but it's secondary. I approach the why almost clinically with an emphasis on "what can I do better" not "what did I do wrong." As my friends in the PR industry would tell you, it's all about the spin. I find that there is no better person to spin for than yourself.
Another trick I use to deal with rejection is to focus on the moments (however rare) that have gone right (been exceptional) rather than on all the bad ones. For instance, I remind myself that with my most recent jobs, the interviews have been more of a formality than anything because my employers were that impressed with my resume (and I felt very appreciated by those employers the majority of my time with them). In terms of getting my book published, I keep in mind the fact that I have only queried a grand total of FOUR agents out of a pool of approximately 400-450. And, my first query letter ever resulted in a request for a partial.
Those small things can seem like nothing if I'm feeling particularly self-indulgent and down-trodden, but most of the time I see them for what they are - impressive accomplishments. I'm sure that if you use your energy to sort through your life with a filter of positivity (even you pessimists) you'll find that you have a few gems of your own that you can polish and wear proudly as you face rejection and look gorgeous while doing it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)